i can breathe again.
I cooked three meals today.
I didn’t tell anyone to put their shoulders back or pull up their pants.
I didn’t ask anyone about finances.
I enjoyed life.
It was beautiful.
:: When I was younger, I used to believe that I could "do what I wanted" and get away with everything. Needless to say, this lead me in a poor direction. While trying to figure out who I was and who I want to be, I created new life standards ::
:: Here is what I came up with -aka- rules to live by: Cook good food. play every chance you get. learn as much as possible. love with your whole heart. TRAVEL because it opens up your mind and your soul, follow your dreams. Always be you. ::
::Even though I am still trying to figure it out, I have come very far on my journey and am happy to share it with all of you ::
:: Soy Jack. Bienvenido a mi blog. Si tiene alguna pregunta, no duda a contactarme. Saludos ::
2015 has been quite the year for me. I traveled to parts of the world, I have never been, I finished my Masters program, I quit my corporate job, started my own company and found out I was expecting my second child.
All of that has been excellent and fascinating but how did I get to where I am now? Well, my biggest thing this year has been personal development and along with that came learning about knowing my own worth.
In the beginning of my relationship with my ex, we got along great, we enjoyed each others company but I don’t believe that I ever fully respected him. I was in school, working full time and raising my 5 year old son and he was on unemployment and hanging out with the boys. Was it as bad as it sounds? No. But I wasn’t living up to my full potential because I was surrounding myself by an environment that wasn’t meant for me.
As time went on, he got a job and started working regular hours, I finished school and we decided that he would move in because it would be more convenient and he was here all the time anyway. Not to mention that he was great with my son and life was going well.
So when did it all start to go downhill?
On July 1st, I left my corporate job to start my own business. It was scary and I knew it would take a lot of commitment on my end to get going and be successful in time to make everything work out.
On July 2nd, I took a pregnancy test and found out I was 6 weeks pregnant.
doh.
So instead of working my ass off right away and figuring it all out, inviting new clients and turning into a success story, I found a comfortable spot in my bed and slept. I slept until I could find the energy to get out of bed and do something with my day. Unfortunately, I slept more often than I did anything and I wasn’t heading in the direction that I had envisioned. This lead me to running out of money quickly and buying more things that I thought I had to have for the baby.
By the time I was 15 weeks pregnant, I decided it was time to get a second job serving at a restaurant because my business wasn’t prospering (only my fault) and I needed to pay my bills. This also lead to growing resentful of my boyfriend for not stepping up and getting a second job to help with the bills. *Please note, he was having his own bill collectors calling and only paid minimal amounts to live with me.
Lets just say that slowly, I grew out of love with him and in a dark, scary and very lonely place.
But then something happened, while I was working at the restaurant, I found myself finding happiness. I found myself believing in myself again then going home and shutting down. Then it started happening anytime that I was away from home, or with clients or doing anything with friends, and then, I came home and would shut down again.
Not so great.
Finally, I decided the relationship wasn’t for me and I tried having the conversation with him and he didn’t believe it was true. Ignored me for days and then pretended everything was ok. So a week later, I tried to have the conversation again. Again, ignored and pretended it would pass. Finally I said, this is not working for me, you need to pick a final day to move out. He was sad and pissed and I don’t blame him. I took him into my home and cared for him and was having his child and then decided to take it all away.
Now, I am 31 weeks pregnant, my boyfriend moved out and I am still trying to figure out how to get my business blooming. But you know what? I am happy again. I am finding my purpose and living my life authentically. I am planning my life the way it should be and getting out of the scary, dark corner. I am back at the gym and smiling again.
So why now? I don’t believe in waiting. I knew I never wanted to marry him and I knew it would be harder after the baby came so I said enough is enough and I wanted my life back. I was tired of feeling resentful and angry and I wanted to be me again.
Yes, its going to be hard but I know I can do it.
Has anyone used these? Thoughts?
I can’t wait to make this!! Cold days like today make me feel so ambitious!
In the past three years, I have had someone that frequently comes and goes from my life and I have allowed it to happen because I believe I have genuine feelings for this person. I have gone from admiring him to wishing I never met him. He has always been a floater, a drifter and a dreamer. He has been very honest with me in the fact that he does not want to settle down, nor does he want to think about the future in terms of what could happen with us. I have always told myself that he will change his mind and try to force him into something that I wanted even though he knew he wasn’t ready.
I have hurt myself in the process by constantly entering into this never-ending cycle. In March, our relationship came to a point where it needed to be put aside for a while and time apart was necessary in order to mentally move forward.
During the months apart, I grew in many ways. I made decisions in my life that put me back into the direction where I wanted to be. I bought a house, I grew in my career, I worked on my education, I worked on my health and my nutrition. I became a better mom and I definitely became a better friend.
Then. He came back. He saw the change and was attracted to it and I was infatuated with his kind words and his lustful messages. At the time I did not realize how much control he had over me. I would constantly make excuses for his behavior and I would be someone that I didn’t want to be when I was with him. I thought I was having fun, but I was putting everyone else aside, once again.
So what made me realize I was reverting back to old ways? Snapchat. When snapchat first came out, I loved it. I thought it was a fun way to say hello to someone without sending them a message or you could share with someone part of your day without having a full conversation about it. This person, did not like the idea of snapchat and didn’t like that I was using it with my friends. When we started talking again, he had the app and had sent me a few messages. One day I noticed that he had a “best friend” on snapchat and it wasn’t me but another female, someone I wasn’t familiar with. I found myself trying to find out who it was. Ladies, Gentlemen, this is not healthy. No woman should ever be ‘investigating’ someone that they are dating. When you are with someone, you should know facts about them and not feel the desire to look into their lives.
So, that’s one thing. I didn’t trust this person. Anytime you don’t trust someone, a red flag should go up and you should automatically say, “What value does this person bring to my life”? Is it worth it?
Second flag – I would receive phone calls at weird hours. Mostly when this person had one too many alcoholic beverages. Do not be that girl. Do not let others walk over you and mistreat you. It is not healthy.
Third flag – He came over after a week long work trip and we were supposed to spend the day together. He got there at three o’clock and after a little while we got intimate and then, he left. He did not stay for dinner.. did not ask to spend the night. He left. And the interesting part, is I almost felt glad that he left. I got from him what I wanted and he got what he wanted and then there wasn’t any reason to spend the whole evening together. We could both move on with our day.
Final flag – I went out for a drink with a friend on Sunday and on Monday morning, when this person called and asked what I did, I lied. I said I was with my brother.
I quickly felt like I got hit with a BRICK and had to stop it. I did not want this behavior in my life and I do not want to revert back to who I once was.
So, I sent a message and said that I lied, I went for drinks with a friend and that I didn’t think it was a good idea to hang out anymore. We want different things and its not healthy to pretend its all good. He responded well and agreed.
His reaction makes me believe he likes someone else and it gives him the freedom to move forward with someone else and that’s fine.
But why lie? Why allow yourself to get to the position where you have to feel like you are doing something wrong before you put an end to it? The human experience is fascinating and I may never know why fully, but what I do know is that you should never let old people back into your life. People may change things about themselves but feelings do not change and it is ALWAYS better to move forward then backward.
Amen.
Message: never lie.
My poor Marshall isn’t doing so great.
(via baconamaste)
The best traditional Vietnamese dishes, from north to south.
IT’S OFFICIAL! I AM GOING TO VIETNAM!! HELLO FOOOOOOOD!